The Starting Line

I have stopped myself from starting too many times to count. The imposter syndrome, not being “enough,” the worries and fears all-consuming me until its days, months, even years later and I look back thinking… if I had just started then I could be where I wanted to be. The little bit of inspiration comes back and immediately gets squashed.

I have read The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins a few times since then, and while I do get started on some of the other things I desire, I never get started on the high-risk goals. So, today I start writing. Messy. Unorganized. Unplanned.

Writing used to be a passion. I would write letters, notes, poems, stories, things I felt and wished to feel. Then social media got in the way, and I saw people who were seemingly “better than me”. I wanted to write blogs ever since I graduated high school. I wanted to go on my little adventures and share what I experienced. I have one blog post, somewhere in the ether, lonely. All of my adventures now perfectly curated into little squares surrounded by hashtags and little captions.

When something so visceral becomes ignored, it hides away in the depths of a labyrinth hoping one day it will be found. The energy, focus, and determination to get it back makes it feel impossible. However, when I lived without a piece of me long enough, I started to wonder what it would be like to have it back. With that wonder, I started searching. Clues all around pointing to one thing. START.

Progress over perfection. That’s something I have been working on for quite some time. I get lost in the idea of planning and I love it. Planning allowed me to feel like I was making progress without ever actually doing anything. Procrastination at its finest. And just like before days turned into weeks, months, and years and I had nothing to show for the “work” I was doing.

And now, here we are today. I don’t want another day to go by without taking the actions I desire to. To show up fully for myself, and one day look back and be proud that at least I don’t have to wonder any longer.

Some days it might just be a brain dump of my thoughts. Others, it may be a planned post. All I know is that I want it to feel like me, like a window into my soul. To go on the messy perfectly imperfect journey of my life. The ups, downs, and all arounds.

This is the Starting Line.